A beautiful note from a recipient to her egg donor

“This morning I woke up to an email that told me the donor I had painstakingly chosen was no longer viable. After a long and emotional search I felt once again defeated and inadequate, you see it’s not just about choosing another woman to be the beginning of your future child’s life, it’s about realising once again that you can’t do it yourself. BUT then tonight the wonderful Kim at Nurture brought me you and I was once again reminded again why everything happens for a reason.

I just turned 42, I am the Director of four businesses and I passionately believe in ideas and creation and doing what you love. I am a talent agent (like Jerry Maguire but it’s not that glamorous in real life, no one ever completes you!), my job is to make other people’s dreams a reality. Somewhere along the line my dreams were ignored. It wasn’t a conscious choice, I didn’t mean to be here at 42 without a husband/partner or a family, I didn’t deliberately put career over children and I certainly didn’t choose to be diagnosed with early menopause at 41 making it impossible for me to have my own biological children. Stupidly I thought I had more time.

Reading your profile tonight made me smile and laugh, you sound a lot like the very wilful, ambitious and determined 20’s something I used to be and still am (just with more wrinkles)! I wasn’t as clear as you are with my goals at that age, I just loved the ideas, I loved creating something and seeing it to fruition, I loved working hard and seeing the results.

When looking for a female donor you want that person to be as much like you as possible, a Caucasian with blue eyes was important because that best physically represented me, but intelligence was equally important. Not necessarily academic intelligence, I was more interested in ingenuity, wit and passion, if I have to choose another woman to create my child then she had to be like me. By the way you write I can tell you are smart, I can tell you are quick witted, that you are curious and that you not just learn, but you absorb the information around you. That’s the kinda gal I am after! I love that you are an actress, it’s a craft I gave up too young and my Mum and I actually fist pumped and did the gig when we read that you have a knack for writing as it is something I am very passionate about and have been told I am very good at.

Suffice to say I am very grateful you came along, you seem like the perfect fit. Although, there is one more thing I would like to ask of you (as if you aren’t doing enough), I am hoping you will reconsider the ‘no’ answer to the question about being contactable if the laws in SA change. In Australia the laws are that a donor must be willing to go onto a registry for the child only to make contact if they wish after they turn 18, the donor still has the option at that point to say no they do not wish to be in contact, there is a chance SA may eventually end up making the same ruling. I am asking you this not because I expect my child would need to come looking for a mother figure, I’m asking because I feel I should on behalf of my unborn child. I don’t think this is my decision to make, I think if the option was there then it would be my child’s and yours to make and if down the track you decided you didn’t want to then you would have the option to say no then as well.

I have no idea if the decisions I am making today are right or wrong, I guess like any hopeful parent I will just do my very best.   So if for whatever reason he or she would like to learn more about their genetic heritage then I feel like they should at least have the potential to do that and as their future Mum then I need to try to give them that option. I understand if your answer is still no, and it won’t change my decision to request you as my donor, I just needed to ask.

Thank you”

xx